Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Yay, I'm turning 29 again!!!

Well I am in disbelief that tomorrow is my 30th birthday! How did this happen to me? I don't feel like an old lady but I think back to what I thought of 30 year olds when I was 16 and yup, I was certain they were all old ladies. Now that my time is here though, I have decided to fully embrace the aging process! I have done some cognitive restructuring and decided that I am just delighted to turn 30. I think I was dreading it b/c I started thinking last week how I have accomplished none of the things I had planned to have done by the time I was 30. Here is a list of my biggies I had planned on:

1. Would have completed my degree by now
2. Well established in my career by now
3. Already interviewed by CNN (ha ha! hillarious now that I thought that would even happen)
4. Would have 3 children and next year at 31 would be working on #4
5. Would feel wise and have the whole life thing figured out
6. Would not be scared of walking in to my house alone when it is dark
7. Would eat hot sauce, not prefer drumsticks as best part of chicken (since ya know, that is the kid part), and would not need to put syrup on my greens to eat them

None of these things have happened yet! Not a single one. So, after some thinking I have decided that where I am in life is just fine. Although I haven't accomplished those things, and surely don't have the life thing figured out,I have accomplished personal things that are so much more important. I am finally free to be me and love myself despite my flaws. I am constantly working to improve myself and grow in my faith to be more like my Jesus. I want to make HIM proud. I feel like all my accumlated life expreinces really have given me some wisdom that can help others in similar situations. I finally don't worry so much about the opinions of others. I actually like to go against the crowd and be unique. I have fully embrased that I am a book nerd and can laugh at all my nerdy ways. I laugh at the moments where I hear things coming out of my mouth without thinking and realize I actually have turned into my mother, which is great and I love it. I just have fully embraced me, it took me many years to get here but at the ripe old age of 29 years and 364 days old I can finally say I like me and smile.

I sure never thought my life would be going in the direction it is now. I mean, seriuosly, if you would have told me at 16 that at age 30 I was focused on a career in RESEARCH which involved being a book nerd (ugh, like that is so totally not cool, like c'mon) and statistics (like so gross!) and would be married to Sam DeLucca (seriously, the guy that sits behind me in geography?? Like that is so totally out there!) or that I would be obsessed with mission work in Guatemala (like that is so weird) I would have thought you were nuts! Seriously, I really did say the word "like" about 100 times a day then. I am just glad that God stepped in and had better plans for my life.

I remember trying to decided what I wanted to "be". I took just about every intro class out there trying to decide. Intro to journalism since I was going to be an anchor woman, marine biology b/c of my ever promising career as a dolphin trainer (thank you mom for pointing out that I would have to wear a wetsuit to work every day, that image quickly changed my mind), anthropology b/c I decided I wanted to study the Dobe Ju/'Hoansi Tribe in Africa (ya know a specific African tribe that talks in click sounds) and learn more about them (again thank you mom for pointing out the amount of shots I would need to do this career, again quickly changing my mind).Then there was my career in interior design, I had planned to become a famous interior designer for celebrities so I could witness to them all (wow is all I have to say about that) but then I did one very long boring day of career shadowing with an interior design specialist at Ethan Allen and my mind was changed. These are only just a few of the plans I had in my little head. I remember talking with my mom when the time came that I had to declare a major. I had gone back and forth on several areas of study and finally my mom asked me what I was passionate about. I responded with helping children ,of course. Then I quikcly reminded her that it conflicts with what I picture for my future. When I pictured myself working and having a career, I pictured myslef going into a big fancy corporation building wearing sophisticated & stylish cute suits and heels and carrying a gorgeous breif case. I wish I could have seen my mom's face at that moment when she realized the criteria I was using to actually decide on my major. I am sure there were many prayers going up on my behalf that evening. Thanks for never giving up on me mom! =)

So, as you can see, I am VERY thankful that I got to the point where I stopped planning out my life and just prayed and gave it all to God. I still remember that moment in my old bedroom in my house I grew up in. With my head on my cloud pillow case all snuggled in my silver satin comforter, I asked God to direct me and reveal to me what His plans were. It wasn't over night but the way certain doors closed and others opened was such a God thing. I like to look back now in my old age and see just how quickly things fell into place at that point in my life. Best thing is God isn't done yet! He is still directing and guiding me showing me where He needs me to be.

I guess on this, the eve of my 30th bday, I am feeling eager for what is next in life. I love where I am in life. I won't lie and say I am content career wise only b/c I am so beyond ready to graduate and MOVE ON with things but every other aspect of my life is a pleasant surprise. I am thankful for the unanswered prayers for #s 1-4 on my above list. Glad He had bigger and better plans for me, better than even my wildest dreams. Guess this is why my fav verse is Jeremias 29:11-12.

I am really excited about tomorrow, Sam apparently has a fun day planned that I am allowed to know nothing of. In fact, he has ordered me to bed early tonight so he can start things... hmmmm! Can't wait to see what is in store and most excited about NOT WORKING and NOT mentioning the word quals (qualifying exams) for an enitere day!

As a little bday gift to me.... would you mind leaving a comment and answer this question? I would LOVE to hear what you have to say!
When you were 16, what did you see yourself doing at age 30?? Can't wait to read your answers!